15 February 2020

2020 VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL: 10 Fictional Men We'd Leave Our Partners For

Nothing like Valentine's Day to remind your partner that they are 100% replaceable. If we've learned anything from Brad and Jenn its that we are all capable of rising to new heights (to be clear, we mean Jenn and not Brad, he is the loser of this story as the SAG Awards have clearly shown). In typical BB fashion we've put together a sapless list for all you lovebirds of men from books we would leave our partners for tomorrow. If you don't have a man in your life this V-day, here are 10 great fantasy options to fall in love with...

Both of these men deserve their own separate post because their climbing ideologies are pretty different, but I love them both very much. It is hard for me to separate what they actually look like compared to the casting of Jason Clarke (Hall) and Jake Gyllenhaal (Fischer) in the god-awful movie adaptation Everest, but Jon Krakauer does such a great job writing about them that I feel like I have a full picture. I love Rob Hall's principals, even when, in the end, he didn't stick to them and it cost him his life. His relationship with his wife Jan is also very beautiful and I can't even say their names together without crying. I love Scott Fischer for his outrageous determination... there were MANY stories of Fischer working out so fiercely that he would often throw up during it. If I had to rank I would probably go Hall then Fischer... I love the least flashy person always.



I have had a crush on Bru since I was a little kid. Whenever I pictured my first boyfriend it was Bru. It would be hard to do this list without him. Summer Sisters is one of my favourite fiction books, and it contrasts two female characters (Caitlin and Vix) and 2 male characters (Von and Bru). Caitlin and Von are the more outgoing, flirtatious, obnoxious types, and Vix and Bru are more quiet sidekicks to the other two. Blume is so descriptive in her writing and makes Bru out to be very hot and broody, and in the end has intimate relationships with both Caitlin and Vix. I think the love triangle in itself makes him more appealing. I would love to walk the beaches of Martha's Vineyard with him... 

Many have puked at my taste in men, and it is well known that my celebrity crushes include Larry David (my #1), John Gibbons, and The Witches of Eastwick-era Jack Nicholson. So is it really a surprise that I loved the old retired lawyer/professor in A Little Life?? Harold is whip smart but also incredibly kind. All the scenes of him connecting with his student (and soon-to-be adopted son) Judd are so lovely and I instantly wanted to be in his presence.



Nick is a very underrated character in The Handmaid's Tale but his character is blown out in the show where he's played by Max Minghella who I love. Nick is Offred's friend, ally, and source of comfort throughout the story so the psychology of the entire situation sets you up to really love Nick (hence why Offred begins an affair with him- if you can call it that given the situation) but he's a likeable character even if they were to have met under different circumstances. In the book Offred struggles with her feelings for Nick given that she's still married and hopes to reunite with her husband one day, but I would be hooking up with Nick guilt free if I was Offred. It's for her own sanity. When I watch the show I always prefer her to end up with Nick instead of Luke.



I had to include Seymour "The Swede" Levov because he is essentially described as the perfect man in the early chapters of Philip Roth's Pultizer-winning book American Pastoral. The Swede is an athletic specimen who was famous amongst his peers for his football accomplishments. I feel like normally I would be repulsed by a muscular, blonde, adult male, but he is also very compassionate and I felt for his character the entire time I was reading.



This book has really stuck with me which is interesting because I don't remember loving it that much at the time. I think I should probably re-read it. It tells the story of two friends Emma and Dexter who meet at graduation and keep in touch over the course of twenty years, always kind of dancing around feelings for each other. Dexter is sort of written as an irresponsible rich kid, which usually repulses me, but I couldn't help but relate to Emma and she always sort of idolized him which made me do the same. I'm a sucker for a drawn-out love story. It helps that in the movie adaptation Dexter is played by Jim Sturgess who I find sooooooo charming.



Dave Eggers' memoir A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius is one I definitely need to return back to, but I remember being very into his mid-twenty-year-old self. This is a very beautiful memoir about growing up while having to take care of his much younger brother Toph after both of their parents die in short succession. 20-something Eggers is full of so much anger and there are a lot of scenes I revisit even after all this time has passed since I first read his book. He is also an avid reader and even auditioned for MTV's The Real World, which sounds disturbing but is actually pretty interesting. His relationships with women during this time frame aren't great, but that's probably why I'm attracted to him.


Look, I am a Nick Sparks girl, or I was. I love the love stories and Sparks writes men that just don't exist in today's world no matter how many times you post a picture with your boyfriend and caption it "If you're a bird I'm a bird". It's impossible to write this list and not consider that if I met someone who was as sickeningly sweet as Noah is to Ally in The Notebook or Landon to Jamie in A Walk to Remember, that I wouldn't up and start a new life. We all would, don't kid yourself.




Had to include a Jonathan Franzen-written male character on this list. A lot of his male characters are traditionally shitty, but all of his characters are a little shitty and that's why I love his writing so much. Tom Aberant from Purity is an investigative journalist and eventually runs his own newspaper in Denver, Colorado. I don't really know what it is I love about Tom, just that I found him compelling and know he'd be someone I would obsess with if I worked with him. Also I really didn't want to include Richard Katz (Freedom) on this list.



Paul is a very small and underrated character in Wild. He plays Strayed's first husband whom she divorces amidst the trauma of her mother's death, her addiction issues, etc. I loved Paul as a book character but it helps a lot that Thomas Sadoski who I adore plays him in the movie. Paul plays this patient, sweet dude who really wants to help Strayed and make their marriage work. I was really sad they never rekindled after her experience on the PCT but I hope he's happy now wherever he is... I got pretty lucky with my own husband but... Paul is a wonderful book option.

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